Darwin Award Winners:

[JJ Judkins]

Darwin Award Winners:

1. When his 38-caliber revolver failed to
fire at his intended victim during a hold-up in Long Beach, California, would-be
robber James Elliot did something that can only inspire wonder. He peered down
the barrel and tried the trigger again. This time it worked..... And now, the
honorable mentions:

2. The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost
a finger in a meat cutting machine and, after a little hopping around, submitted
a claim to his insurance company. The company expecting negligence, sent out one
of its men to have a look for himself. He tried the machine and lost a finger.
The chef's claim was approved.

3. A man who shoveled snow for an hour to
clear a space for his car during a blizzard in Chicago returned with his Vehicle
to find a woman had taken the space. Understandably, he shot her.

4. After stopping for drinks at an illegal
bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed
to be transporting from Harare to Bulawayo had escaped. Not wanting to admit his
incompetence, the driver went to a nearby bus stop and offered everyone waiting
there a free ride. He then delivered the passengers to the mental hospital,
telling the staff that the patients were very excitable and prone to bizarre
fantasies. The deception wasn't discovered for 3 days.

5. An American teenager was in the
hospital recovering from serious head wounds received from an oncoming train.
When asked how he received the injuries, the lad told police that he was simply
trying to see how close he could get his head to a moving train before he was
hit.

6. A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K,
put a $20 bill on the counter, and asked for change. When the clerk opened the
cash drawer, the man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register,
which the clerk promptly provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and
fled, leaving the $20 bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he got from
the drawer...$15. (If someone points a gun at you and gives you money, is a
crime committed?)

7. Seems an Arkansas guy wanted some beer
pretty badly. He decided that he'd just throw a cinder block through a liquor
store window, grab some booze, and run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved
it over his head at the window. The cinder block bounced back and hit the
would-be thief on the head, knocking him unconscious. The liquor store window
was made of Plexiglas. The whole event was caught on videotape.

8. As a female shopper exited a New York
convenience store, a man grabbed her purse and ran. The clerk called 911
immediately, and the woman was able to give them a detailed description of the
snatcher. Within minutes, the police apprehended the snatcher. They put him in
the car and drove back to the store. The thief was then taken out of the car and
told to stand there for a positive ID. To which he replied, "Yes, officer,
that's her. That's the lady I stole the purse from."

9. The Ann Arbor News crime column
reported that a man walked into a Burger King in Ypsilanti, Michigan, at 5 a.m.,
flashed a gun,demanded cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he
couldn't open the cash register without a food order. When the man ordered onion
rings, the clerk said they weren't available for breakfast . The man,
frustrated, walked away.

A 5-STAR STUPIDITY AWARD WINNER!
10.
When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked on a Seattle
street, he got much more than he bargained for. Police arrived at the scene to
find a very sick man curled up next to a motor home near spilled sewage.
A
police spokesman said that the man admitted to trying to steal gasoline and
plugged his siphon hose into the motor home's sewage tank by mistake. The owner
of the vehicle declined to press charges, saying that it was the best laugh he'd
ever had.