Post by JJ Judkins on Jan 12, 2012 13:55:17 GMT -6
Crocodile
TEACHER: John, how do you spell "crocodile?"
JOHN: K-R-O-K-O-D-A-I-L"
TEACHER: No, that's wrong
JOHN: Maybe it's wrong, but you asked me how I spell it!
, AND MORE
A coworker told me that I looked tired.
"I am," I said. "I just finished 100 push-ups."
"Oh really? When did you start doing push-ups?"
"Well, I did the first one in 1986
The Amateur Photographer
An amateur photographer was invited to dinner with friends and took
along a few pictures to show the hostess. She looked at the photos and
commented "These are very good! You must have a good camera."
He didn't make any comment, but, as he was leaving to go home he said
"That was a really delicious meal! You must have some very good pots."
Finding the Tea
My poor wife was sick in bed with the flu. Being a dutiful husband, I
offered to fix her some of her favorite herbal tea. I couldn't find
the tea though and went back upstairs to ask where it was.
She said, "I don't know how it could be any easier to see. It's in
the pantry, third shelf down, in a cocoa tin marked "matches."
Pre-Flight Announcement
I think the pilot on my last trip was pretty new to his job. I base
that on his pre-flight announcement, which was:
"We're going to be taking off in a few ... Whoa, here we go!"
Mixed Signals
My father's hearing aid occasionally emits a brief high-pitched
squeal that can be heard by anyone near him.
One day my little niece was sitting on his lap when the device
started to beep. Surprised, my niece looked up at him.
"Grandpa," she said, "you've got mail."
THE TOILET SEAT
Charlie's wife, Lucy, had been after him for several weeks
to paint the seat on their toilet. Finally, he got around to
doing it while Lucy was out. After finishing, he left to take
care of another matter before she returned.
She came in and undressed to take a shower. Before getting
in the shower, she sat on the toilet. As she tried to stand up,
she realized that the not-quite-dry epoxy paint had glued her
to the toilet seat.
About that time, Charlie got home and realized her predicament.
They both pushed and pulled without any success whatsoever..
Finally, in desperation, Charlie undid the toilet seat bolts.
Lucy wrapped a sheet around herself and Charlie drove her
to the hospital emergency room.
The ER Doctor got her into a position where he could study
how to free her (Try to get a mental picture of this.).
Lucy tried to lighten the embarrassment of it all by saying,
"Well, Doctor, I'll bet you've never seen anything like this before".
The Doctor replied, "Actually, I've seen lots of them...
I just never saw one mounted and framed."
TEACHER: John, how do you spell "crocodile?"
JOHN: K-R-O-K-O-D-A-I-L"
TEACHER: No, that's wrong
JOHN: Maybe it's wrong, but you asked me how I spell it!
, AND MORE
A coworker told me that I looked tired.
"I am," I said. "I just finished 100 push-ups."
"Oh really? When did you start doing push-ups?"
"Well, I did the first one in 1986
The Amateur Photographer
An amateur photographer was invited to dinner with friends and took
along a few pictures to show the hostess. She looked at the photos and
commented "These are very good! You must have a good camera."
He didn't make any comment, but, as he was leaving to go home he said
"That was a really delicious meal! You must have some very good pots."
Finding the Tea
My poor wife was sick in bed with the flu. Being a dutiful husband, I
offered to fix her some of her favorite herbal tea. I couldn't find
the tea though and went back upstairs to ask where it was.
She said, "I don't know how it could be any easier to see. It's in
the pantry, third shelf down, in a cocoa tin marked "matches."
Pre-Flight Announcement
I think the pilot on my last trip was pretty new to his job. I base
that on his pre-flight announcement, which was:
"We're going to be taking off in a few ... Whoa, here we go!"
Mixed Signals
My father's hearing aid occasionally emits a brief high-pitched
squeal that can be heard by anyone near him.
One day my little niece was sitting on his lap when the device
started to beep. Surprised, my niece looked up at him.
"Grandpa," she said, "you've got mail."
THE TOILET SEAT
Charlie's wife, Lucy, had been after him for several weeks
to paint the seat on their toilet. Finally, he got around to
doing it while Lucy was out. After finishing, he left to take
care of another matter before she returned.
She came in and undressed to take a shower. Before getting
in the shower, she sat on the toilet. As she tried to stand up,
she realized that the not-quite-dry epoxy paint had glued her
to the toilet seat.
About that time, Charlie got home and realized her predicament.
They both pushed and pulled without any success whatsoever..
Finally, in desperation, Charlie undid the toilet seat bolts.
Lucy wrapped a sheet around herself and Charlie drove her
to the hospital emergency room.
The ER Doctor got her into a position where he could study
how to free her (Try to get a mental picture of this.).
Lucy tried to lighten the embarrassment of it all by saying,
"Well, Doctor, I'll bet you've never seen anything like this before".
The Doctor replied, "Actually, I've seen lots of them...
I just never saw one mounted and framed."